you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
