Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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