I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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