My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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