you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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