he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
