I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
