i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
