Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't turn off my feet"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
