69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
