My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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