Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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