haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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