she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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