How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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