I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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