thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
