yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
