I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
