i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
