so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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