after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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