surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
