so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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