3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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