I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
