Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
