Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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