The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize