so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
