I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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