i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
