Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
