I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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