I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to calm my uterus...
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