dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
