apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
