Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
