ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit

  Fav 38 1133 9006

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.

  Fav 38 4328 736

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (727): View more from Florida

  i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

  Fav 16 14187 979

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

  Fav 42 5711 1146

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  i perioded on his leg

  (714): View more from California

  on. his. leg.

  Fav 49 1389 11050

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.

  Fav 6 1509 3381

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (917): View more from New York City

  No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

  Fav 3 1831 1003

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"

  Fav 3 1119 717

  share tweet
  

• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now

  Fav 2 796 557

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.

  Fav 8 546 991

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"

  Fav 0 564 673

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.

  Fav 0 98 67

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.

  Fav 1 17 37

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me

  Fav 0 51 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.

  Fav 0 10 48

  share tweet
  

Randomize