Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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