life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
