matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
