A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
