someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
