bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
