I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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