On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
