Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize