Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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