She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
