ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's the barista slut.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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