Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
