I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize