What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
