Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
