So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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