I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
