I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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