Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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