Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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