oh god the rape fog is back!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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