Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
