i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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