the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
