I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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