i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
