just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
