Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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