we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
