Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
