I wanna bring you to show and tell
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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