so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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