doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
