My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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