I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You are a genius and a whore.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
