Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
