Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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