I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
