we made out on top of his cat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
