Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
