Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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