Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
