i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
