I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
