mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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