Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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