If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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