There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
