their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
