My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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