I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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