wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
