Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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