I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize