I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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