What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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