i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
