He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize