Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
